Its no secret, Iam the odd one out in my family and I've always felt that way. I've always felt like I wasn't good enough and could never, nor ever will be like my younger siblings in regards to life/lifestyle. I've struggled and pushed myself hard, majority of the time way harder than I should have, to get to at least a somewhat 'comfortable' life my entire adult life, which has been hard being on my own my whole adult life and struggling daily just to manage my mental health.
Don't get me wrong, I have come along way in regards to my mental well-being and am proud of myself for how far Ive come, especially having to have gone through and experience alot of trauma during that time as well and alot of people, not even my own family knows some of the things I had to go through or what I've had happen to me. Im turning 40 this coming December and I really have nothing to show for my life so far. No life events, no achievements, not even a social life.
It may sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I am not. I learn to accept things for what they are and sometimes unfortunately no matter how hard you try, how determined you are, some things just weren't meant to happen in this life and thats ok. So what's my point? Good question! My point is that it's really kinda shitty at times when you already are and feel alone and even though you have family that love you, you always feel like the 'less cared about' one. I've never been the type of person to ask for help in any way, (always offering it to others no matter my circumstances) except for a few times in the past few years after becoming aware that its ok to ask for help. The last couple days I've just been thinking (major overthinker here!) and my personal opinion for myself is that Im at an age that I shouldn't have to ask my family for help and have decided I won't anymore no matter how bad it gets. Im also going to start 'masking' more around them or even just talking. Masking is basically saying everything is good and acting like it. To sum it all up, I don't want to feel like a burden to anyone or put my shit on anyone. Just put on a smile.
